Introduction to the V.G.C
V.G.C stands for Video Game Central, the place where characters from all games gather. It also has had quite a bit of oddities happen inside its walls. Weird Things Keep Happening! is a collection of stories from the V.G.C.
“Music Zombies” tells how a keyboard once possessed two Overwatch heroes, and how another one and his friend had to stop the music.
“The Computer of Insults” tells about a really horrible computer that spat out insults at Winston, Tracer and the others.
Now, these stories are pretty much comedy, but each one has a lesson. And we don’t know what in the world they are, so please find out and tell us at: ComedyReport@VGCemails.com
– Admin of the Book Department
PS: Here’s the official Map of V.G.C. Enjoy!
It all started innocently. Lùcio, a famous Brazilian musician from the Overwatch™ world who was currently residing in the V.G.C., invited Reinhardt and Tracer, also from Overwatch™, and Hank, a powerful demi-god whom Lùcio had befriended a year ago, over to his apartment to chill for a bit.
It was 3:00 when Lùcio heard a knock on the door, and got up and opened it for his friends. Reinhardt, an elderly yet muscular German man fitted in knight’s armor marched into the room.
“Hallo, Lùcio! Zanks for inviting us over.”
“Hey, Rein! No prob,” Lùcio gave him a thumbs-up, “We all need a break after today.”
A young British woman in her mid-20s, wearing a flight jacket with a white machine that was glowing blue in the middle and was strapped to her chest, warped into the room.
“Hoi, love! Thank you so much for havin’ us!”
“No prob, Tracer.”
Then, a 30-year old man wearing a black-and-gold robe with the hood down marched into the room.
“Hey, bro Hank! What’s good?” Lùcio shook Hank’s hand.
“Thanks. We all needed a break, and what better place then here?” Hank gestured to the interior of Lùcio’s medium-size apartment.
“Have a seat, guys,” Lùcio said as he closed the door. Hank, Reinhardt and Tracer all sat down on the couch.
Once Lùcio joined them, Reinhardt brought up the latest Overwatch™ match.
“Vell, zat vas a crazy match, vasn’t it, Tracer?”
“Oh, you mean the one where Mercy started Justice-ing people?”
“What happened?” Hank inquired.
“Vell, McCree- you know vho McCree is, right?”
“Might, is he the cowboy guy with a cigarette?”
“Yes, zat’s him. Vell, McCree used Deadeye to headshot and kill our vhole team, yours truly included.”
“And,” Tracer started, “I was on McCree’s team, so I saw what happened. He had NEARLY killed everyone on Reinhardt’s team, Mercy was still left.”
“Basically, after congratulating McCree on his good shots, I saw Mercy hovering down from above. McCree told everyone else to hold their fire, because Mercy wanted to talk to him. So she touched down on the ground, and walked over to McCree, who asked her what it felt like to be a loser.
“Then she said something in Swiss-German, kind of like ‘Du verabscheuungswürdige Person! Du hast ein über aufgeblasenes Ego, und du verdienst das!‘.”
“Vich translates to: ‘You despicable person! You have an over inflated ego, and you deserve THIS!‘,” Reinhardt quickly added.
“Yeah,” Tracer continued, “She said that, then kicked him in the crotch. Everybody else was laughing so hard that we didn’t notice that she had Resurrected the whole opposing team, who eliminated us and captured the point. They won that round.”
Lùcio and Hank were laughing.
“Yeah, she sometimes doesn’t look like Justice, but she is internally!” Lùcio laughed, “I bet McCree deserved that!”
“Oh, he did,” Reinhardt said, “and he vas so embarrassed he vas determined to get revenge on Mercy for zat. Vhich brings us to zee Zree-versus-Zree elimination.”
Tracer giggled. “That was SO funny! D.Va told us after. So, it was your classic 3v3 Elimination, right? You’re out once you’re killed, and you can’t come back until the next round? Well, D.Va said she was on the same team as Mercy, and Roadhog was tagging along. McCree’s team was himself, Junkrat and Orisa.
“Roadhog had eliminated Junkrat just as Junkrat blew him up, so they were both out. Then D.Va and Mercy dueled with McCree and Orisa. Orisa had planted down a shield, so she and McCree were hiding behind it and firing at D.Va. D.Va told us that Mercy was nowhere in sight, so her Mech broke down and she had to eject.
“D.Va was peering out the hallway and ready to fire at both McCree and Orisa, but Mercy had gotten there first. Orisa had been eliminated by Mercy, and she and McCree were yelling at each other so loud that I bet I could have heard it from my house in King’s Row.
“But apparently McCree didn’t dare fire his gun, because Mercy had her pistol pointed at his head, and he was at critical health. McCree was yelling at Mercy for embarrassing him in front of his own team, and Mercy was yelling at him to stop smoking. Two totally different subjects. Eventually Mercy snatched McCree’s cigarette out of his mouth and lit it on fire. Then she threw it in the snow.
“McCree was outraged at this, because he told her that his health was HIS problem, not Mercy’s. But then, swift as an eagle, Mercy snatched McCree pack of cigarettes out of his pocket, and promptly lectured him about the dangers of smoking, while still pointing her gun at his head. McCree’s face was redder then a tomato during this, and afterwards, he demanded his cigarettes back. Mercy coolly replied that he wouldn’t need them, and when he asked why, she said, ‘Well, I don’t think dead people smoke.’ McCree replied ‘Wait, I’m not dead. I’m only thirty-seven.’ Then Mercy shot him in the head and said ‘I am sorry to inform you that you are now.’ Then D.Va ran out from her hiding place and gave Mercy a high-five.”
Everyone laughed even harder.
“And is he still trying to get her back?” Lùcio asked as he wiped a tear of laughter from his eye.
“I’d bet so,” Reinhardt replied, “and if zere is any more hilarious moments, vee shall inform you right avay.”
“So, Hank, anythin‘ interesting going on?” Tracer asked him.
“Not really. This is the only interesting thing that has happened this week in V.G.C. was the Coffee Incident,” Hank replied.
“So you know Dilson? Call of Duty: Black Ops III, also known as Player?”
“Yeah, Reinhardt and I are in his group, The Protectors,” Tracer answered.
“Well, I’m guessing you weren’t there, or you would have known about this right away.”
“Vas zis Tuesday?”
“Vee vere visiting Ansile zee Zoroark on Tuesday. Anyvay, go on.”
“Well, Junkrat, the guy that’s obsessed with explosives, was getting some coffee from the machine. Simple enough, right?”
Everyone else nodded.
“Well, Dilson had installed a new mode to the coffee machine: Extreme. He had added it for impatient people so they can get their coffee faster. Junkrat decided he wanted to try some out so he cranked it up to extreme. When it didn’t pour, he hit the machine a couple times, then waited. After three more minutes of waiting, he smacked it so hard that it made a loud cracking sound, but nothing was broken… on the outside.
“Boiling-hot coffee shot out from the machine like a waterfall. Junkrat screamed and ran for cover, but the coffee was filling up the room, and fast. Pharah, that military lady who wears the Raptoral Mark IV suit, had just opened the door to the staff room. Imagine her surprise when a river of hot coffee– and Junkrat– came shooting out of the room. Luckily, that lady has reflexes. She jetted into the air just in time so the coffee didn’t sweep her away. Junkrat was screaming things like ‘WHO WANTS COFFEE?’ and ‘COFFEE-FALL INCOMING!’.
“Dilson was lecturing D.Va about her gaming habits and how important they were compared to his missions when D.Va jumped, eyes wide, and ran out of the room. Dilson looked behind him just in time to get swept away by Junkrat’s Coffee-fall, but he didn’t go quietly. He was shouting all sorts of bad things, but mainly, ‘I’M GONNA KILL YOU, JUNKRAT!’ and ‘IT‘S HOOOOOOTTT!’.”
Everyone was laughing now.
“Then,” Hank continued, “the coffee stream swept them outside, and by now Pharah had deactivated the Coffee Machine by doing a full-on Barrage and detonating the thing. Dilson’s base was ruined, and Junkrat staggered off saying, ‘Curiosity kills the cat, does it now, mate? Well it nearly killed ME!’.”
“So that’s why it smelled like that on Wednesday when we got back!” Tracer realized.
“Zat is very funny!!” Reinhardt chuckled.
“Hey, loves, just guess what happened to ME the other day…”
And it continued. They all started telling even more comedy stories until 6:50. Then… it started.
“I suppose you don’t mind sleeping here?” Lùcio asked everyone.
“If it’s all right,” Hank said.
“Zat would be great!” Reinhardt replied.
“Thanks, love!” Tracer smiled.
“Let’s all sleep in the living room tonight.”
They settled down with their blankets and pillows, unaware of the killer that resorted nearby. The Keyboard. Lùcio had gotten it earlier that day because, well, it’s a musical instrument. But he didn’t know the secret behind it…
Lùcio was awakened by the sound of someone playing the piano. He sat up, stretched and couldn’t surpass a yawn.
“Who-o-o’s up this late?” Imagine his surprise when he turned and saw Reinhardt playing the keyboard.
“Rein! I didn’t know you could play the keyboard!” But as soon as the words were out of his mouth, he regretted saying them. Reinhardt stopped playing and turned his head. There was an intense silence for a couple moments, and Lùcio felt a chill.
Reinhardt turned his head back to the keyboard and continued playing. Lùcio felt that there was something wrong. He looked around. Hank was sleeping peacefully, but Tracer wasn’t there.
What’s going on? Where’s Tracer? What’s Reinhardt doing? were Lùcio’s thoughts at the moment.
Lùcio turned and started silently shaking Hank. “Hank! Hank! HANK!” He whispered.
Hank slowly woke up. “Lùcio?” He whispered back, “What are you doing? What’s going on? Why is Reinhardt playing the keyboard??”
“I wish I knew. But there’s something weird going on, Hank! I need your help!”
“All right. Where’s Tracer?” Hank added as he glanced at the empty spot where Tracer had been.
“I don’t know, but Rein’s acting weird.” Lùcio glanced back at Reinhardt, who seemed to be listening.
“He’s never played keyboard before! He told me yesterday he isn’t interested in musical instruments,” Hank now sounded a tiny bit frightened.
“Let’s hide in the closet and make a plan,” Lùcio suggested.
“Good idea. I’ll bring my flashlight.”
Reinhardt had changed the music to a Trance rhythm and kept playing.
Hank and Lùcio slowly crept over to the closet, cracked the door and quickly, yet silently, jumped inside.
“So what should we do, Lùcio?” Hank asked.
“Maybe you should turn on your flashlight, Hank.” Lùcio suggested.
Hank flicked on his flashlight, and pointed it at the corner.
“So what’s our plan?” Lùcio asked.
Hank had his beam projected on Tracer, who was sleeping soundly in the corner.
“Why’d she move? She was perfectly comfy out there,” Lùcio asked.
“I don’t know. Maybe she saw Reinhardt and hid in here, too?” Hank replied.
Tracer gave a small grunt and tried to tuck herself even further into the corner.
“I don’t know, Hank,” Lùcio said slowly, “Something just isn’t right. Why would Reinhardt play my new keyboard 11:00 at night? He didn’t even know how to play! Why did Tracer move? If she thought something was wrong with Reinhardt, she probably would have woken us up first. I don’t know what to make of it.”
Hank turned off his flashlight, then quickly said, “Lùcio. Be quiet. I hear Reinhardt.”
Surely enough, Reinhardt’s clanking footsteps stopped right in front of the closet, as if he was waiting for something.
“How’d he know we were in here,” Lùcio breathed.
“I don’t know, but hush,” Hank breathed back.
Then Tracer gave a large yawn as she stretched, making Lùcio and Hank almost jump.
“Well, Tracer’s awake, but she just gave us away!” Hank whispered, flicking on his light again and pointing it at Tracer.
“She can help us,” Lùcio replied, “Tracer! Reinhardt’s acting weird, and we don’t know what to do. Do you know what happened?”
Tracer stared at Lùcio blankly and said nothing.
In the background, the eerie keyboard music continued, making Lùcio realize something.
“Hank, Reinhardt’s in front of the closet,” He said, “Tracer’s here with us, so who’s playing the keyboard?”
Hank stiffened. “There’s someone else?”
“Tracer, did you see anyone come in?” Lùcio asked quietly.
Tracer made a small waving motion, as if she was trying to swat away something.
“Hank, you’re shining that in her face. I don’t think she likes that.”
“Oh. Sorry, Tracer,” Hank whispered as he pointed the flashlight towards the ceiling of the closet.
“Did you see anyone come in?” Lùcio repeated his question.
Tracer just stared at Lùcio for a moment, then lunged at him.
“Wha- TRACER?! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?” Lùcio shouted, totally forgetting about being quiet, as Tracer pinned him to the wall and raised her fist to pummel him.
Hank seized Tracer’s arm, preventing her from carrying out this action. But as Tracer made eye contact with him, Lùcio realized there was something not quite right the way she was looking at him.
Lùcio shoved Tracer off, into the opposite wall.
“Hank, shine that light at her again!” He yelled as Tracer was scrambling to get up.
Hank flicked the flashlight towards Tracer, who immediately froze.
“I’ll keep the beam on her. How are we going to get out?” Hank asked.
“That, I don’t know. Rein’s right outside the door, so we’re trapped. This is what he was waiting for,” Lùcio panted, “Why’d Tracer flip out like that?”
“Maybe she’s scared,” Hank suggested.
“Tracer isn’t a wild animal, and neither is Reinhardt. So why are they acting like this?”
“Don’t ask me! I just think we should get out of here.” Hank replied.
“We need to distract Reinhardt, get him out of the way.”
“We use Tracer?”
“Maybe. She isn’t moving because of the light.”
So they pushed Tracer to the door.
“Get ready to yell in three… two… one… GO!” Lùcio and Hank, shouting, threw open the door, shoved Tracer out into a startled Reinhardt who staggered backwards. They seized this chance to dash out of the closet and into the kitchen, and hid behind the counter.
“So… why… are… they… doing… this?” Hank panted.
“The way… Tracer… looked at me,” Lùcio collected his breath, “made me think… that they aren’t doing this on purpose, something’s…controlling…them…”
“So… what is?” Hank regained his breath.
“I can only think of… THE KEYBOARD!” Lùcio slapped his forehead.
“The keyboard, yes! I got it because I like keyboards and pianos, but it’s been playing a song whole time! And if you notice, they are doing everything in time with the rhythm of the music!”
“So we have to turn the keyboard off?”
“Yes, and throw it out the window! Otherwise our friends will be stuck as Music Zombies forever!”
“OK, but- LOOK OUT!” Tracer had turned the corner and spotted them. Hank quickly flashed his light on and off in her face, stunning her.
“RUN!” They dashed past an oncoming Reinhardt into Lùcio’s bedroom, where Hank quickly locked the door.
“Where is the keyboard located?” Hank asked, shoving Lùcio’s cabinet in front of the locked door.
“Living room! Near the corner where we slept on the couch!” Lùcio replied, helping pile things up against the door.
“Well, now that the door’s blocked up, how can we get there?”
“Let me think, bro Hank.”
BANG! BANG! Reinhardt was pounding on the door.
Lùcio’s eyes locked on the window. “I have a window in the living room, right next to the keyboard. Can you climb?”
“Wait, what… OH!” Hank smiled as he realized what Lùcio wanted to do.
Lùcio walked over and opened the window. The cool night breeze blew into the room.
“What time is it?” Hank asked.
“12:00, according to my bedroom clock,” Lùcio replied.
“We’ve been chased for an hour!?”
“Yeah. Now get outside, quickly!”
“Jump on my back,” Hank said, to which Lùcio obeyed.
Hank climbed out the window, hanging onto the wall with Lùcio on his back. He reached over and shut the window with one hand.
“Where’s the window?” Hank asked.
“Over to the right,” Lùcio replied, “See that one?”
“Yes. I’ll make my way over to it.”
Back in the bedroom, Reinhardt had broken down the door(also everything they had piled in front of it) and was searching the room. Tracer peered through the doorway, then warped into the room and helped Reinhardt.
Meanwhile, Hank had forced open the window and climbed into the living room, Lùcio jumping off his back.
“There’s the keyboard!” Lùcio pointed at a small black keyboard in the corner.
As they approached it, what sounded like an alarm went off.
WEEeeeeeEEEeeeeeee-ooooo! Keyboard is being attacked! WEEeeeeeEEEeeeeeee-ooooo! Keyboard is being attacked! WEEeeeeeEEEeeeeeee-ooooo!
“THEY HAVE AN ALARM ON THIS THING!?” Lùcio yelled over the noise.
“APPARENTLY!” Hank shouted back.
I repeat, Keyboard is being attacked! WEEeeeeeEEEeeeeeee-ooooo! Keyboard is being attacked! WEEeeeeeEEEeeeeeee-ooooo! Report to the keyboard at once! WEEeeeeeEEEeeeeeee-ooooo!
Reinhardt and Tracer burst through the doorway leading to the bedroom.
“Aww, great! Lùcio! We have to fight them!” Hank shouted, brandishing his flashlight like a sword.
“All right! You stun them while I take care of the keyboard!!”
Hank flashed his light in their faces, stunning them for a brief moment.
WEEeeeeeEEEeeeeeee-ooooo! Attack all intruders! WEEeeeeeEEEeeeeeee-ooooo! I command you to attack all intruders! WEEeeeeeEEEeeeeeee-ooooo! Attack all intruders! WEEeeeeeEEEeeeeeee-ooooo!
Reinhardt recovered from the stun, and pulled up his shield. No matter how much Hank flashed the flashlight, Tracer and Reinhardt weren’t stunned, and they were advancing on Lùcio, fast.
“ENOUGH!” Hank thrust his arms forwards, and a golden sword appeared out of thin air. It slashed at Reinhardt’s shield, breaking it instantly. Hank then shone the flashlight at them, so that they couldn’t move.
WEEeeeeeEEEeeeeeee-ooooo! Attack all intrud- Lùcio threw the keyboard and its stand out the window. Hank removed his beam from Tracer and Reinhardt, went over to the window and cast a fire spell on the keyboard, burning it up so that nothing of it was left, not even ashes.
The instant the keyboard burned up, Reinhardt and Tracer fell to the floor.
“Hey, guys?” Lùcio cautiously approached them.
Tracer stirred. Hank immediately kicked her in the head, then did the same to Reinhardt.
“Hank! You knocked them out! How will we know if they’re normal??” Lùcio said angrily.
“Easy. When they wake up tomorrow.” Hank calmly replied, “Now let’s get back to bed.”
They moved their unconscious friends back to their sleeping spots next to the couch.
As Hank and Lùcio settled down on the couch to head back to sleep, Hank asked, “What time is it…?”
“It’s 12:30,” Lùcio replied before zonking out.
“Huh, strange…” then Hank drifted off also.
And all was quiet until morning.
The next morning, Lùcio was waken up quite abruptly.
“Hey! WAKE UP!” Tracer shook Lùcio.
“No,” he grumbled.
“Reinhardt, he isn’t wakin’ up. Oh, don’t tell me YOU’RE asleep, too!”
“Too bad.” Lùcio heard Reinhardt’s low, rumbling voice reply.
“Blimey, guys! It’s only five o’clock in the mornin’! Now, WAKE UP!”
“Five in zee morning?! Vo vakes up at zat time?”
“Give us a break, Tracer. Vee need our sleep.”
Lùcio quickly sat up. “You guys are OK?!”
Tracer and Reinhardt looked at him.
“Of course, love, why wouldn’t we be?”
“I am not OK until Tracer leave me to sleep.” Reinhardt replied tiredly.
“But I’m awake! What am I supposed to do while you daft chaps sleep until noon?” Tracer argued.
“Explore Lùcio’s house.” Reinhardt drifted off again.
“Fine.” Tracer warped off.
A moment later, she yelled. “Lùcio! COME QUICK!”
Lùcio jumped up and ran to Tracer.
“What? What is it?”
Tracer pointed to the wreckage in Lùcio’s bedroom.
“Oh, yeah. Don’t worry, you did that.”
“Never mind. I’ll get it later.” Lùcio left for the kitchen, leaving a very confused Tracer standing there.
Lùcio passed Hank, who had woken up.
“Are they all right, Lùcio?”
“Yeah. I accidentally let slip to Tracer that they wrecked the bedroom,” Lùcio replied.
“How’d she react?”
“Just got a little confused, that’s all. I’m gonna go make breakfast.”
“Should I tell them?”
“Later,” Lùcio skated into the kitchen.
“Vat is going on?” Reinhardt got up.
“Nothin’.” Hank replied.
“Somezing’s going on, I heard you talk to Lùcio about it.”
“Fine,” and Hank explained to Reinhardt the happenings of last night.
Reinhardt stared at him intensely. “Good zing you got rid of zat keyboard. It could have gone after anybody else if it had finished you off.”
Tracer stood in the doorway. “No wonder I felt weird this mornin’. Possessed by a keyboard! Blimey…”
“Yeah, I think Lùcio has got breakfast ready, let’s go eat.”
And they all marched into the kitchen, chatting about tons of different things. Let’s hope they are ready for the next challenge in a month….
———————————————————END OF CHAPTER 1—————————————————————