Baring your soul to total strangers has become an art form. Yeah, not too sure about that last sentence, but keeping it anyway.
There have been so many posts written in my head that I just couldn’t seem to get to the computer to type out. We are talking life changing posts here people, things that would have changed your viewpoint on EVERYTHING. Now that I am typing, of course I don’t remember all the things I wanted to express. Instead, I’m typing this while listening to my oldest discuss chemicals. I can’t believe he is 10 already. *shakes head*.
I am jotting down some of my ideas now just in case I want/can come back to flesh them out. Here’s the first. I’m a closet romantic. I hate hate hate admitting this because I don’t want to be seen as one of those girls were giggles over some chick flix (some movies i do like btw). I’m have no desire to join in stereotypes. I also have no desire to judge people who ARE like that. I know a couple of males that think all women are love the mushy stuff. To each their own. However, I do enjoy a good romance. Jane Eyre, Pride and Prejudice, a recent book I read called Phoenix… Yes, a non-classic. There are so many more of course, its hard to give examples.
The problem I have with romances is the idea the Eros conquers all, even pain. Find the love of your life and his/her love will heal you. Yeah, doesn’t work like that people. I firmly believe in Agape love, that without having THAT type of love as your base, any other love will become a demon. Yes, I pulled the God card. C.S. Lewis pointed out that the other loves are truer, purer, when we allow the love of God to hold first place. How do we know love if we don’t know God?
I can’t and won’t reduce all marriage problems to “not putting God first.” We are complex creatures, despite our seemingly single-mindlessness. We aren’t all ruled by sex or passion. Life gives some so many paper cuts of hurt that in the end the pain adds up to enough to destroy marriages. Sometimes its easier to forgive one big thing over a thousand seemingly little things. I have seen marriages fall apart because people “fall out of love”, find someone they “love more”, etc. Some people hold out for that life shattering passionate love that curls your toes. Based on what I’ve seen and what I’ve been reading I have yet another theory to present. There are more than one type of Eros love. Since people are not all the same, why should that passionate love be? For some, there ARE soul mates, love at first sight. For others, there is love that grows over time, love born out of friendship. There is love that is comfortable, and love that burns with its passion. Some even know more than one type in their life time. Some can only handle one type. Of course, there are those who, like Paul, don’t feel eros at all. God guides us to the love we want sometimes, but He already and always provides the love we NEED.
I’m blessed, I will admit. At the tender age of 18 (yes mom, I will admit how young I was now;)), after going through a bad breakup, God guided me to my soul mate. He has put up with some much from me, and we have and still are maturing together. Looking back at all my hung ups, he has loved me through each and every one. We have fought, and go through a lot of pain together, but I feel like no one on this earth understands me better. Yes, I’m afraid at times. It is hard handling over your heart to someone know that they can shatter you. That’s where God comes in I guess. My backup. Putting God in charge of your heart does not guarantee your lover won’t break your heart. God provides the glue to put it back together and make it even stronger. My love for Dave is strong because my love for God is strong. Agape picks out the selfishness out of Eros, making it truer, kinder.
Well, I guess I don’t need to flesh that idea out. I also got carried away and now need to get off the computer to get the kids in order.